Ask DB: Give Up Your Hobbies For Your New Hubby?

When I first met my fiancé, I had been doing belly dance for years. I am a dancer who trained for years before performing. My attitude is very professional- I don’t let myself be touched, I wear longer more covered costumes, I danced at reputable venues with respectable customers both male and female. I have stopped doing it for months, mainly because my fiancé asked me to stop. However, as time is going on, I am more and more desperate to do it again. I love to perform. My fiancé has told me he is too jealous to allow other men to look at my body. He is from a Middle Eastern culture. He has told me if I do it he will first cry, then break up with me. He said I can do it in a women’s class but he won’t tolerate me performing, which is what I love most. I have to say, he made sure to share his thoughts and feelings with me before proposing to me and I told him I chose him over belly dancing and I gave him a promise that I won’t dance again. From here I don’t know what to do. I live with my fiancé, can see a future with him, but belly dancing was my one joy in life.

I am an artist. For most of my life I've performed in front of a crowd. Plays, hosting, stand up etc. all of these things fulfill my need to perform. So people can just do it and that's all. Work it to get what you need from it and be done but I am so many others can't. That's the difference. I could never just say it was a hobby and quit for someone because that would be like a piece of me dying. In every dating scenario or relationship I'm pretty transparent on that fact though. It is still an adjustment but I will never hide that part of me. He was upfront with his wants and his culture. When merging your life with someone else in marriage sometimes love isn't enough to keep you together. We have seem many stories play out where people love someone until the end but their wants, expectations and lifestyles are sometimes so different that things do not work. You shouldn't compromise what you want out of fear of being alone but neither should he. Though I disagree with any person trying to stop someone from doing what they want in life but at the end of the day if that's who he is and he is expressing that, if you decide to still go along and make that promise than that is on you. I do want you to look within yourself because I do think it's beyond the belly dancing and it is really the fact you have nerves over getting married. You do need to give to be in a marriage. Think beyond just your wants to truly be with the other. It's not easy at all. So really take a deep thought on if this is truly what you want. I have a feeling it won't be the last thing he doesn't agree with and you will realize how much more you are losing. I feel like no one is wrong here so alot of soul searching can lead to a resolution. Happy or Sad. Good luck.