Ask DB: What Happens When A Blended Family Gets REALLY Blended?
Welcome to DB’s Down in the DM, our weekly feature, where you, humble listeners and readers, get to ask 107.7 The Bounce’s advice guru your difficult questions, and today’s question is from Jim in Hope Mills who has an extremely uncomfortable situation:
“Mary, my step-daughter and my son Louis have been secretly dating for the past 2 years (or so they say). Mary and Louis have known each other since they were 4 and 3, respectively. Mary’s mother and I met in a support group for widowers, and we bonded over the fact both lost our first spouses. We both legally adopted each and they call us mom and dad instead of step-dad or whatever. When they sat us down and told us about their secret relationship, I have to admit I was shocked and disgusted. A lot of things clicked into place, like the fact that neither of them dated in high school. They said it’s only been two years, but I didn’t believe them when they told us and I don’t believe them now. I admit, both I and my wife said things we shouldn’t have when they initially told us. They intend to get married sometime in the next few years and asked for our blessing, which we said we’d have to think about. Am I making too much of a deal out of this? Is it really wrong or am I being unreasonable?”
Here’s DB’s Advice:
You are really trying to make me work here huh. This is a doozy. On one hand, I do believe true love can come in the most surprising places. This is tough for any parent though especially when you raised both children essentially. Now family is everything and the fact that they told you is a blessing because finding this out when they post engagement photos would have sent your head spinning. You have every right to feel how you feel, it’s a lot to ask. Now I will say you have to find a way to be ok with it, go to therapy for yourself. You don’t want to lose your kids and potential grandchild. You can only control your reaction. And in some cases maybe this will end on it’s own because you accepted it and they realized that they just liked the secretive nature of it or the fact that it is taboo. Not making any promises on that one though. They are not related by blood so that is a saving grace in a very weird case. At the end of the day you as a parent should be the person your children run to and trust to love them. I will be sending all the good vibes your way and again seek therapy because wow and same for your other son and wife. Not the most profound but even I can’t solve all problems.
DB’s Down in the DM is a weekly segment on Monday’s on The Bounce Morning Rollout with Minda and DB on 107.7 The Bounce. Ask your questions by texting the studio line at 910-323-5477 anytime, and you might be featured. (Make sure to let us know in your text that you’re asking for advice. You’d be surprised by some of the weird questions we get randomly.)